A true friendship consists of more than 1 person sharing the same emotional connection and underwent the fluctuation of emotions together most of the time either verbally or non-verbally.
"Kawan ni ada bila kau senang, kengkadang je ada bila kau susah.
Sahabat, on the other hand, akan sentiasa ada bila kau susah dan senang, tak kira depan mata atau tidak."
Which of these two different terms of 'friend' are you?
How to find out?
1. When was the last time you saw your friend cry?
2. When was the last time you sacrificed your time to help your friend?
3. When was the last time you noticed him/her smile wasn't as bright?
4. When was the last time you asked him/her "Are you really okay? Wanna talk about it?"?
5. When was the last time you remembered him/her in your prayers?
6. When was the last time you did something to show that you appreciate him/her?
Kau mesti tak sangka yang berkawan ni se-complicated macam ni kan?
Mungkin ini pandangan aku, bukan kau.
Mungkin ini fahaman aku, bukan kau.
Tapi tak mengapa.
All these while I thought I shouldn't get too attached to anybody.
And I clearly know the reason why now.
Friday, 12 February 2016
Sunday, 17 January 2016
2016. Not a good start.
As-Salamu'alykum.
It's 2016 already. I haven't been writing since a year plus?
yes, well I came back for a reason.
To let out what's been hiding in my mind and heart that I cannot let it out anywhere else.
-------------------------------------
It all started few months ago when I started my Psychiatry posting. Not sure exactly which period but somewhere along the line.
#1
I cannot help from feeling that one of my housemates seems to dislike me for whatever reason that I never knew. I'm not sure if I'm being a bad friend. But I just had the feeling in my gut that she likes to ignore me. All my jokes were ignored, semua dihambarkan. She didn't even get excited to see me compared to my other housemates. Of course, I didn't ask. She acted naturally.
#2
Ever since Year 4, I've been placed in a group with one of my bestfriend, A (could be one-sided kind) and the other one, B was placed in another group. Somehow, another housemate of mine, C is also in the same group and she was in the same group as A last year and yeah they were close. C is what I called as someone who is of a higher standard of mine, the KL-people kind. And knowing B, she's more compatible with C. I'm sorry for being possessive to my 4 years of best friend, but I noticed that A's been too close with C despite I'm in the same group. I noticed that a lot of times A would follow C wherever she goes. And me? Well, I'll just walk alone at the back like nobody's business. This had been going on for quite sometime though A did return to me once in a while. Sometimes I thought that A was stuck with me just because we were bestfriends for 3 years. She should've been with C. I loved her too much to let go. And seeing her being overcompatible with C hurts me very much inside.
#3
I don't really let anyone know how I feel. I've been crying before sleep for so many times. I thought, nobody can see me when I'm weak. People said "It's okay not to be strong once in a while" well it was bullshit. I tried being vulnerable once and it never worked. People thought I was childish for crying over silly stuffs which was big for me actually. Nobody really cared the way I care for people. That's why I've been keeping stuffs and I probably gonna wait when I reach my limit. I don't even tell my family. Why? Cause I'll never win.
#4
One time I wanted to go for a vacation with A & B. It's been a while since I last went overseas. Previously we had a plan to go for Aussie and permission granted, except that B couldn't go due to financial reasons. So we canceled the plan. Now, we're planning to go to Korea and B got to go. So, A and me should have no problem. But then suddenly, mama tak bagi. Why? sebab da pernah pergi. It was weird she didn't let me go. So, it was terrible. Pujuk punya pujuk, pun tak dapat. Safety la pulak alasannya. Okay I understand, but I'm 22 already. My friends had been travelling by themselves and so far nobody got kidnapped. Okay, fine I try to accept. So I got into a sorrowful mood which needed time to recover. But somehow Mama got the wrong idea and accused me of choosing my friends over her which I NEVER INTENDED THAT WAY. Sumpah la haritu memang hurt gila gila when she argued with me in the whatsapp. She got really mad eventhough I replied in a very natural way. It was natural in the whatsapp but Allah knows how I broke down that day, dah la tengah dalam OT, nasib baik xde lecturer. I had to go in the bathroom so that no one hear me sobbing. Okay, why I wanted to go so badly? because they were the only good friends I had. Despite how awful I am, they've been really nice to me. They pulled me in when I thought I was left out, they called me in when I thought I was ignored. I've never loved friends the way i loved them. I treasure them as much as I treasure my family. They're like my family in medical school. I've been emotionally drained trying to figure out why my housemates been ignoring me (what I feel though they denied) I'm not good with people. I'm not good at keeping friends but they kept me and looked for me for 3 years. We're like the 3 musketeers, ask anyone in my batch and they'll say me, A and B are always together. So, you know how sad I was not being able to go? Nonetheless, I tried to accept sebab Mama yang tak bagi. But the way she accused my bestfriends to be selfish hurt me so much. She didn't even know what we've been through together. I know she meant good but don't say bad things about them. I don't like it as much as I don't like people say bad things about her. But I can never win. To her, I lebihkan kawan kawan dari dia, which is not true. If I were to lebihkan kawan, I wouldn't have agreed not to go. I've had to go through days where they're planning for the trip but I wasn't a part of it, asked by friends why I wasn't going. IT WASN'T FREAKING EASY. I EVEN HAD EXAMS COMING UP AND I WAS SO STRESSED WITH ALL SORTS OF THING GOING ON.
Do you see how much I've been through? I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't know how I can go on. I've been crying every day ever since. But no. Jann's a strong girl. She can live with it. Fuck no. For heaven's sake NO. I've been torturing myself day and day. I tried being weak but no, nobody lets me. It's childish, Jann. You cannot. You cannot do this sebab you jadi anak derhaka nanti. So, conclusion, my feelings never mattered? I'm not blaming Mama for this but at least hear me out without trying to win. I already agreed not to go, didn't I? I followed you, didn't I? But every night I cried, you didn't know. And when I accidentally blurted a bit of my feelings verbally, you got hurt. And I had to apologize. By nature, I should. But don't make it as if my feelings didn't matter. You didn't know how hurt I was to go through with this. Even while writing this , I'm overflowing with tears, my nose is congested and my throat hurts sebab nak tahan tak nak bunyi keluar. I'm grateful i've been given so many things. But there are times when there's something I really wanted. There are times when I didn't get what I want, but I'm okay with it. I just want them to see that this is not just a small matter. It's important to me. It's not about going to Korea. It's about that friendship.
And not just her. Even the people around me. If you don't like me then say it for God's sake.I didn't know what did I do wrong. Or maybe I didn't do enough to please your ass off. I'm not good at keeping people I just got along with but sure hell I keep those who'd been keeping me for years. And sometimes I felt 4 years isn't enough for a group of friends to be close with. Now I even question those who are around me. Are you really around? You can go if you want. If you want to go, just go. If you don't want to stick by me then say so, I can save my ass from trying to please yours. I can stop worrying about things I shouldn't be. I really thought that I now have bestfriends that I could count on during my lowest. But, I was wrong. Shit, I almost sacrificed most of my time trying to please you guys. Why won't you even do the same fucking thing to me? I'm sorry for being too kind to even think about pleasing you and sorry for being a jackass for wanting something in return. I guess I really doubted the meaning of true friendship now. It was never meant to happen to me. I'm too much to handle. I should probably stick around short then move on to another. Best friends had never existed in my diary. And if it happen any one of you guys read this, I'm sorry. If you're hurt by reading this, I'm sorry because I didn't feel the connection and I was too stupid to actually thought that you guys are my best friends. I realize, if you guys really are, I would've notice you guys actually sacrificed things for me the way I did to you both. I was happy back then but I guess that's just temporary. And in the end, I'm just your driver to places you wanted to go. I've always thought you could live without me and it's okay. Again, if you're hurt, know that I've hurt more. If you want to stay, better hope that I'll stick around too, I must be selfish but yeah I just need reassurance. To me, you guys were family but I'm pretty sure I wasn't to you. Okay maybe one of you cared more though. Thank you for that. But I guess, that may not be enough and again I'm sorry you had to know me.
It's sad really.
I'm not sure if anybody could have ever read this post.
If you happen to read this, feel free to judge. I don't care anymore.
It could be that I'm at fault and I didn't see it.
It's up to you.
I'm just writing to make myself better.
2016, it's a bad start but I hope to get better soon.
Back to the strong Jann, or maybe stone-cold, i don't know.
It's 2016 already. I haven't been writing since a year plus?
yes, well I came back for a reason.
To let out what's been hiding in my mind and heart that I cannot let it out anywhere else.
-------------------------------------
It all started few months ago when I started my Psychiatry posting. Not sure exactly which period but somewhere along the line.
#1
I cannot help from feeling that one of my housemates seems to dislike me for whatever reason that I never knew. I'm not sure if I'm being a bad friend. But I just had the feeling in my gut that she likes to ignore me. All my jokes were ignored, semua dihambarkan. She didn't even get excited to see me compared to my other housemates. Of course, I didn't ask. She acted naturally.
#2
Ever since Year 4, I've been placed in a group with one of my bestfriend, A (could be one-sided kind) and the other one, B was placed in another group. Somehow, another housemate of mine, C is also in the same group and she was in the same group as A last year and yeah they were close. C is what I called as someone who is of a higher standard of mine, the KL-people kind. And knowing B, she's more compatible with C. I'm sorry for being possessive to my 4 years of best friend, but I noticed that A's been too close with C despite I'm in the same group. I noticed that a lot of times A would follow C wherever she goes. And me? Well, I'll just walk alone at the back like nobody's business. This had been going on for quite sometime though A did return to me once in a while. Sometimes I thought that A was stuck with me just because we were bestfriends for 3 years. She should've been with C. I loved her too much to let go. And seeing her being overcompatible with C hurts me very much inside.
#3
I don't really let anyone know how I feel. I've been crying before sleep for so many times. I thought, nobody can see me when I'm weak. People said "It's okay not to be strong once in a while" well it was bullshit. I tried being vulnerable once and it never worked. People thought I was childish for crying over silly stuffs which was big for me actually. Nobody really cared the way I care for people. That's why I've been keeping stuffs and I probably gonna wait when I reach my limit. I don't even tell my family. Why? Cause I'll never win.
#4
One time I wanted to go for a vacation with A & B. It's been a while since I last went overseas. Previously we had a plan to go for Aussie and permission granted, except that B couldn't go due to financial reasons. So we canceled the plan. Now, we're planning to go to Korea and B got to go. So, A and me should have no problem. But then suddenly, mama tak bagi. Why? sebab da pernah pergi. It was weird she didn't let me go. So, it was terrible. Pujuk punya pujuk, pun tak dapat. Safety la pulak alasannya. Okay I understand, but I'm 22 already. My friends had been travelling by themselves and so far nobody got kidnapped. Okay, fine I try to accept. So I got into a sorrowful mood which needed time to recover. But somehow Mama got the wrong idea and accused me of choosing my friends over her which I NEVER INTENDED THAT WAY. Sumpah la haritu memang hurt gila gila when she argued with me in the whatsapp. She got really mad eventhough I replied in a very natural way. It was natural in the whatsapp but Allah knows how I broke down that day, dah la tengah dalam OT, nasib baik xde lecturer. I had to go in the bathroom so that no one hear me sobbing. Okay, why I wanted to go so badly? because they were the only good friends I had. Despite how awful I am, they've been really nice to me. They pulled me in when I thought I was left out, they called me in when I thought I was ignored. I've never loved friends the way i loved them. I treasure them as much as I treasure my family. They're like my family in medical school. I've been emotionally drained trying to figure out why my housemates been ignoring me (what I feel though they denied) I'm not good with people. I'm not good at keeping friends but they kept me and looked for me for 3 years. We're like the 3 musketeers, ask anyone in my batch and they'll say me, A and B are always together. So, you know how sad I was not being able to go? Nonetheless, I tried to accept sebab Mama yang tak bagi. But the way she accused my bestfriends to be selfish hurt me so much. She didn't even know what we've been through together. I know she meant good but don't say bad things about them. I don't like it as much as I don't like people say bad things about her. But I can never win. To her, I lebihkan kawan kawan dari dia, which is not true. If I were to lebihkan kawan, I wouldn't have agreed not to go. I've had to go through days where they're planning for the trip but I wasn't a part of it, asked by friends why I wasn't going. IT WASN'T FREAKING EASY. I EVEN HAD EXAMS COMING UP AND I WAS SO STRESSED WITH ALL SORTS OF THING GOING ON.
Do you see how much I've been through? I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't know how I can go on. I've been crying every day ever since. But no. Jann's a strong girl. She can live with it. Fuck no. For heaven's sake NO. I've been torturing myself day and day. I tried being weak but no, nobody lets me. It's childish, Jann. You cannot. You cannot do this sebab you jadi anak derhaka nanti. So, conclusion, my feelings never mattered? I'm not blaming Mama for this but at least hear me out without trying to win. I already agreed not to go, didn't I? I followed you, didn't I? But every night I cried, you didn't know. And when I accidentally blurted a bit of my feelings verbally, you got hurt. And I had to apologize. By nature, I should. But don't make it as if my feelings didn't matter. You didn't know how hurt I was to go through with this. Even while writing this , I'm overflowing with tears, my nose is congested and my throat hurts sebab nak tahan tak nak bunyi keluar. I'm grateful i've been given so many things. But there are times when there's something I really wanted. There are times when I didn't get what I want, but I'm okay with it. I just want them to see that this is not just a small matter. It's important to me. It's not about going to Korea. It's about that friendship.
And not just her. Even the people around me. If you don't like me then say it for God's sake.I didn't know what did I do wrong. Or maybe I didn't do enough to please your ass off. I'm not good at keeping people I just got along with but sure hell I keep those who'd been keeping me for years. And sometimes I felt 4 years isn't enough for a group of friends to be close with. Now I even question those who are around me. Are you really around? You can go if you want. If you want to go, just go. If you don't want to stick by me then say so, I can save my ass from trying to please yours. I can stop worrying about things I shouldn't be. I really thought that I now have bestfriends that I could count on during my lowest. But, I was wrong. Shit, I almost sacrificed most of my time trying to please you guys. Why won't you even do the same fucking thing to me? I'm sorry for being too kind to even think about pleasing you and sorry for being a jackass for wanting something in return. I guess I really doubted the meaning of true friendship now. It was never meant to happen to me. I'm too much to handle. I should probably stick around short then move on to another. Best friends had never existed in my diary. And if it happen any one of you guys read this, I'm sorry. If you're hurt by reading this, I'm sorry because I didn't feel the connection and I was too stupid to actually thought that you guys are my best friends. I realize, if you guys really are, I would've notice you guys actually sacrificed things for me the way I did to you both. I was happy back then but I guess that's just temporary. And in the end, I'm just your driver to places you wanted to go. I've always thought you could live without me and it's okay. Again, if you're hurt, know that I've hurt more. If you want to stay, better hope that I'll stick around too, I must be selfish but yeah I just need reassurance. To me, you guys were family but I'm pretty sure I wasn't to you. Okay maybe one of you cared more though. Thank you for that. But I guess, that may not be enough and again I'm sorry you had to know me.
It's sad really.
I'm not sure if anybody could have ever read this post.
If you happen to read this, feel free to judge. I don't care anymore.
It could be that I'm at fault and I didn't see it.
It's up to you.
I'm just writing to make myself better.
2016, it's a bad start but I hope to get better soon.
Back to the strong Jann, or maybe stone-cold, i don't know.
Saturday, 9 August 2014
Stolen Survey
As-Salamu'alykum. Yow whaddup, peeps? :D Here I am again ganggu hidup hgpa. hikhik. Found this survey while stalking unconsciously and decided to do this haha.
I had fun :3
-------------------------------------------------------------
Starting time : 0128 hours
Name : JANN
Brother(s) : Two lil' awesome brats
Eye colour : I think mine's dark brown.
Shoes size : 6-7
Hair : Yes, I do have hair HAHA.
Piercing : Two only. Each per ear :3
Height : 154cm. Yes, kemetot.
What are you wearing right now : Baju kaften @ kelawar which I often use as my pajamas
Where do you live : Somewhere~ beyond the sea- No. In Malaysia.
Favourite number : Twenteh-eightah
Favourite drink : Any kind of tea.
Favourite month : December
Favourite breakfast : Roti Tampal + Ayam Rendang. Yumm~
Have You Ever
Broken a bone : Nope, Alhamdulillah
Been in a police car : Nope, Alhamdulillah
Fallen for a friend : Quite few number of time.s
Fallen for a guy/girl in a short time : Pernah kot. I just ignore it usually.
Swam in the ocean : Umm, I do few times before. Long before.
Broken someone's heart : I believe so and I am truly sorry.
Cried when someone died : Yes of course. Any normal girl would.
Sat by phone all the night waiting for someone call : I don't fancy phone calls.
Saved emails : I ignore whatever happens in my email unless I'm receiving something important.
Been cheated : depends on the meaning of 'cheated'
What
Your room look a like : like uh...my room? xD
What is right beside you : Walid's IPad
What is the last thing you ate : Nasi Himpit + Rendang Ayam Tua. Lovely! :3
Who
Who did you last tell : tell ke talk? haha. Kaklong.
Who was the last person you danced with : Nina and Farhan hahaha. Not really dancing, just playing around like retards
Who last made you smile : Everybody makes me smile :)
Final Question
What are you listening to right now : F.T Island - After Love
What did you do today : Urh, so many things to list? Eat pancakes, drove back home, eat, jemur baju, basuh pinggan yada yada yada~
Are you the oldest : Nahh, I'm 2nd out of four.
Indoors or outdoors : Would prefer outdoors but I do the oppoiste a lot :|
Today Did You
Talk to someone you like : Haha. No I did not talk.
Kiss someone : Papa! on the cheek :3
Sing : Oh yes I do sing. EVERYDAY, literally. Who cares I sound like a retarded walrus.
Talk to an ex : I hazz no ex :3
Miss someone : I'm home so not really missing anybody. Spent times with the loved ones too for the whole week, so nope.
Eat : Of course. Pancake yaay!
Last Person You Talked Who
You talked on the phone to : phone? Mama :D hee~
Made you cry : ah, Nek Itam :( her story about her and late Tok Itam brought me to tears.
You went to mall with : Nina Ninot :3
Who cheered you up : Family and those who spent time with me the whole week.
Have You
Been to Mexico : Nope
Been to USA : Nope
Random
Have a crush on someone : Yes, I think. It's complicated.
What books are you reading right now : None.
Best feeling in the world : No idea. Suprises that made me smile or laugh?
Future kids name : I wish to have Hamzah for my sons and Syamimi for my daughters. Planning je pon.
What's under your bed : Umm, floor?
Favourite sports : I do no sports.
Favourite place : Japan~ ! :DDD
Who do you really hate : Nobody actually. I don't hate people much.
Do you have a job : Still a slave of studying.
What time is it now : 0146 hours
Sunday, 13 July 2014
Tsuyoku naru.
13th. July, 2014
Here I am once again. Genki da ne? :D
Currently tengah cuti sakan for about 2 months after completing my 2 years of pre-clinical. Alhamdulillah. I passed my First Professional Exams.
It's the mid of Ramadhan now by the way :)
Nanka, chotto shizuka desu.
...and kemalasan yang melampau lampau too. tak tau la ni ada kene mengene dengan sesi meng-qada'-kan segala tidur yang tak cukup time kat kolej dulu hikhik.
Put that aside, today's just one of the days where I would randomly let my tears down. Not really for a personal reason, it's due to the ending of a game and an anime. haha.
Oh not to mention, I lost count on how many times I cried watching Fairy Tail for the last two and a half weeks. *sobs* almost every episode, shikusho.
I wonder if I'm being a little extra sensitive or they are just tears-stimulating stories T-T
Jann wa nakitai.
Kedo ne, most of the things I did for these past few weeks, animes or games, the common message I could grasp is :
"It's good enough to be able to live, dakara, live on and don't give up on life no matter how hard it could be. Giving up on life or suicide is never an option."
As a Muslim too, I believe that being able to just breathe, we should be very much grateful to Allah.
In fact, I do once in a while feel like everything's not going according to my plan.
Often I break down in tears in the middle of the night, pillows absorbing the flowing tears, almost feel like I have nothing else to pull me back up again.
That's when the message above gave me just the reason to carve a smile back on my face.
Here I am once again. Genki da ne? :D
Currently tengah cuti sakan for about 2 months after completing my 2 years of pre-clinical. Alhamdulillah. I passed my First Professional Exams.
It's the mid of Ramadhan now by the way :)
Nanka, chotto shizuka desu.
...and kemalasan yang melampau lampau too. tak tau la ni ada kene mengene dengan sesi meng-qada'-kan segala tidur yang tak cukup time kat kolej dulu hikhik.
Put that aside, today's just one of the days where I would randomly let my tears down. Not really for a personal reason, it's due to the ending of a game and an anime. haha.
Oh not to mention, I lost count on how many times I cried watching Fairy Tail for the last two and a half weeks. *sobs* almost every episode, shikusho.
I wonder if I'm being a little extra sensitive or they are just tears-stimulating stories T-T
Jann wa nakitai.
Kedo ne, most of the things I did for these past few weeks, animes or games, the common message I could grasp is :
"It's good enough to be able to live, dakara, live on and don't give up on life no matter how hard it could be. Giving up on life or suicide is never an option."
As a Muslim too, I believe that being able to just breathe, we should be very much grateful to Allah.
In fact, I do once in a while feel like everything's not going according to my plan.
Often I break down in tears in the middle of the night, pillows absorbing the flowing tears, almost feel like I have nothing else to pull me back up again.
That's when the message above gave me just the reason to carve a smile back on my face.
"Ikitai yo kimi no tokoro he chiisana te wo nigirishimete
Nakitai yo sore wa sore wa kirei na sora datta
Negai wo nagareboshi ni sotto tonaete mitakeredo
Nakitai yo todoka nai omoi wo kono sora ni~"
[I want to go to where you are, clenching my small hands
I want to cry, it was such a beautiful sky
I tried silently wishing on a shooting star
But I won't cry, the wish will go through, into the beautiful sky~]
- Planetarium by Otsuka Ai -
It's okay to cry though. Crying eases your pain. But never give up. Get back up again, insyaALLAH.
Ganbare minna ! Jann mo ganbarimasu !
Thursday, 20 March 2014
I wasn't meant to be a good friend, am I?
well it's a been a while. yeah, tak plan pon nak update every single time kan.
rasa rasa macam nak luah, slalu luah kat Twitter.
tapi kalau nak bebel bebel panjang panjang, or secluded sikit, baru datang sini.
bebel puas puas, luah habis habisan, tapi tak ramai tau.
nasib ah siapa yang bace :3
malam ni pon bende emo gak. kehkeh. tak habis habis emo minah ni. tak pernah plak lak die nak share bende bende gumbira walhal sharing good news is better than bad.
okay. current mood story begins ;
I thought I was not meant to have any one close friend.
haha. sedih kan bunyik? But I thought that it is true.
My concern sekarang; siapa aku nak kawen kalau takde orang yang boleh tahan perangai aku?
hahahahahaha yeee itu yang aku risau.
no, honestly, memang sedih when these kind of things happen. when you thought you were doing great with this one friend, you realize you have to watch them leave you. either with or against your will.
pretty sad you know. i feel like crying. but no, I can't. sekarang dah nekad nak fikir positif. kalau nak sedih pon, sedih sendiri kejap2 then move on.
why?
everything happens for a reason.
either it's a warning atau ujian.
train the cardia to be tougher now.
i'm so fragile. i'm a crybaby. bende kecik camni mmg boleh buat aku melalak.
now, I have to be strong.
nak buat camne kan? nanti da keje besok lagi laaa sakit.
kne peer pressure and segala apatah pressure haha.
Mohon kekuatan dari Yang Maha Esa.
rasa rasa macam nak luah, slalu luah kat Twitter.
tapi kalau nak bebel bebel panjang panjang, or secluded sikit, baru datang sini.
bebel puas puas, luah habis habisan, tapi tak ramai tau.
nasib ah siapa yang bace :3
malam ni pon bende emo gak. kehkeh. tak habis habis emo minah ni. tak pernah plak lak die nak share bende bende gumbira walhal sharing good news is better than bad.
okay. current mood story begins ;
I thought I was not meant to have any one close friend.
haha. sedih kan bunyik? But I thought that it is true.
My concern sekarang; siapa aku nak kawen kalau takde orang yang boleh tahan perangai aku?
hahahahahaha yeee itu yang aku risau.
no, honestly, memang sedih when these kind of things happen. when you thought you were doing great with this one friend, you realize you have to watch them leave you. either with or against your will.
pretty sad you know. i feel like crying. but no, I can't. sekarang dah nekad nak fikir positif. kalau nak sedih pon, sedih sendiri kejap2 then move on.
why?
everything happens for a reason.
either it's a warning atau ujian.
train the cardia to be tougher now.
i'm so fragile. i'm a crybaby. bende kecik camni mmg boleh buat aku melalak.
now, I have to be strong.
nak buat camne kan? nanti da keje besok lagi laaa sakit.
kne peer pressure and segala apatah pressure haha.
Mohon kekuatan dari Yang Maha Esa.
Friday, 3 January 2014
Just dropping by
Oh come on. I have to admit, forgetting and ignoring seems so hard.
"Haha, thereeeee she goes again all emotional in her blog yadayada~"
Well, sorry lah aku ni emosi melebih lebih. Nama pon pompuan, wattudu wattudu.
Hmm, tetibe malas plak nak blogging. I can't sleep atm so I thought I might wanna visit here and leave a thought. and on second thought, naaaaah~ malas plak nak citer.
Oh btw, I'm addicted to this song thanks to my roommate~
Demi Lovato - Every Time You Lie
teehee~
Okay no more emotional post tonight.
Lain kali la ye. Do look forward for it mwahaha~
"Haha, thereeeee she goes again all emotional in her blog yadayada~"
Well, sorry lah aku ni emosi melebih lebih. Nama pon pompuan, wattudu wattudu.
Hmm, tetibe malas plak nak blogging. I can't sleep atm so I thought I might wanna visit here and leave a thought. and on second thought, naaaaah~ malas plak nak citer.
Oh btw, I'm addicted to this song thanks to my roommate~
Demi Lovato - Every Time You Lie
teehee~
Okay no more emotional post tonight.
Lain kali la ye. Do look forward for it mwahaha~
"I knew better than to let you break my heart
This soul you'll never see again, won't be showing scars
You still love her I can see it in your eyes
The truth is all that I can hear
Every time you lie
....
So don't say sorry cause I'm not gonna listen~"
Saturday, 16 November 2013
Let's get this thing over with, shall we?
'SUPPPP? :DDDD
Okay so I think Allah just sent me a very clear message and I feel like it's really a sign for me.
Though somehow my happy and jolly mood of completing my GIT Final Exam was somehow disturbed but Heyyy. Look on the bright side, it's actually just what I need to move on.
Hooray to me :D
"We come into this world unknown
But know that we are not alone
They try and knock us down
But change is coming, it's our time now
Hey, everybody loses it,
Everybody wants to throw it all away sometimes
And hey, yeah I know what you're going through
Don't let it get the best of you, you'll make it out alive
Hey, this is not a funeral
It's a revolution, after all your tears have turned to rage
Just wait, everything will be okay
Even when you're feeling like it's going down in flames"
Leaving the past, move towards the future. :3
I shall do that.
To be honest, I feel much relieved and I guess I can wipe my hands and shake it off and stand.
"Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand"
Okay so I think Allah just sent me a very clear message and I feel like it's really a sign for me.
Though somehow my happy and jolly mood of completing my GIT Final Exam was somehow disturbed but Heyyy. Look on the bright side, it's actually just what I need to move on.
Hooray to me :D
"We come into this world unknown
But know that we are not alone
They try and knock us down
But change is coming, it's our time now
Hey, everybody loses it,
Everybody wants to throw it all away sometimes
And hey, yeah I know what you're going through
Don't let it get the best of you, you'll make it out alive
Hey, this is not a funeral
It's a revolution, after all your tears have turned to rage
Just wait, everything will be okay
Even when you're feeling like it's going down in flames"
Leaving the past, move towards the future. :3
I shall do that.
To be honest, I feel much relieved and I guess I can wipe my hands and shake it off and stand.
"Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand"
Monday, 28 October 2013
Hope
It's better to stop hoping for something from someone to happen.
Especially hoping from another human being.
In the end, it's hurt what you will get.
If you want to hope,
Put hope from the Almighty.
He will give you what you need most.
There's no such thing as broken-hearted when you hope from Him
InsyaALLAH :)
Especially hoping from another human being.
In the end, it's hurt what you will get.
If you want to hope,
Put hope from the Almighty.
He will give you what you need most.
There's no such thing as broken-hearted when you hope from Him
InsyaALLAH :)
Friday, 18 October 2013
The Unexpected Outcome
Well, the truth is finally out.
I managed to know the real thing.
To be honest, I wasn't that sad cause I can almost guess.
The reason I've confessed is not because I want to have the same in return.
It's because I knew the outcome, so I just want to let you know.
I'm not putting hopes at all.
But, the question is, why are you running away?
We were friends before, can't we stay that way?
If you were scared that I'd be heart broken and that I'll fall for you again,
Then no. I know my limit. I'm not stupid enough to keep holding on.
Or maybe the fact I confessed actually burdened you and that you can't even take a glance of my face, is that it?
If that's the case, I'm sorry.
You said that we could talk as usual again.
But it seems you're the one who's running away.
Making things even more awkward.
If you say you were not, I can see you're lying.
If you really were burdened with what I did, then fine.
I won't try to approach you no more.
Even as a friend.
What really hurts is that the fact you were running away from me.
I don't intend to chase you honestly.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not that desperate.
No, I'm not.
I'm cool with just being friends.
Rather than strangers, I'd prefer we could be silly together as friends
If only I knew you're gonna do this to me, I'd rather keep it to myself.
I thought you were smart enough to handle such thing.
I was wrong.
"Go ahead and run. I don't intend to chase you anyway...."
I managed to know the real thing.
To be honest, I wasn't that sad cause I can almost guess.
The reason I've confessed is not because I want to have the same in return.
It's because I knew the outcome, so I just want to let you know.
I'm not putting hopes at all.
But, the question is, why are you running away?
We were friends before, can't we stay that way?
If you were scared that I'd be heart broken and that I'll fall for you again,
Then no. I know my limit. I'm not stupid enough to keep holding on.
Or maybe the fact I confessed actually burdened you and that you can't even take a glance of my face, is that it?
If that's the case, I'm sorry.
You said that we could talk as usual again.
But it seems you're the one who's running away.
Making things even more awkward.
If you say you were not, I can see you're lying.
If you really were burdened with what I did, then fine.
I won't try to approach you no more.
Even as a friend.
What really hurts is that the fact you were running away from me.
I don't intend to chase you honestly.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not that desperate.
No, I'm not.
I'm cool with just being friends.
Rather than strangers, I'd prefer we could be silly together as friends
If only I knew you're gonna do this to me, I'd rather keep it to myself.
I thought you were smart enough to handle such thing.
I was wrong.
"Go ahead and run. I don't intend to chase you anyway...."
Sunday, 13 October 2013
40 Questionnaires that somehow might make you know me a bit better?
Answer these questions as honest as you can, no force.
1) Have you ever been asked out?
Yes, I guess.
2) Where was your default picture taken?
In my room, on my bed
3) What's your middle name?
*counts name and finds the midpoint* Binti! :D
4) Your current relationship status?
Single. Looking for a future zauj, not temporary partner.
5) What is your current mood?
Intermediate happy.
6) What color shirt are you wearing ?
Purple
7) Missing something ?
Yes
8) If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Well, this is IF, which is impossible. IF, maybe I would change how I behave. Attitude, to be precise
9) If you must be an animal for one day, what?
Animal? Hmm. I wanna be a dwagooownn :3 k jk. it doesn't even exist. Never thought of it actually. A kitty maybe?
10) Ever had a near death experience ?
So far no. Nauzubillah ='(
11) Something you do a lot?
Babbling at Twitter. Tweeting nonsense that I believe many are pissed off with it.
12) The song stuck in your head ?
Heart Attack by Demi Lovato atm.
13) Who did you copy and paste this from?
Kak Farhawa hehe~
14) Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Nur Fatin Qistinaaa ! :D My twin that I met in Perfect World!
15) When was the last time you cried?
Last two nights. When I was about to sleep.
16) Have you ever sung in front of a large audience? .
Does choir included? :D
17) If you could have one super power what would it be?
To change people's sadness into happiness. To change grief into joy, To turn sorrow into jolly.
18) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
His smile.
19) Who was the last person that made you happy?
My family. They always do.
21) What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Usually Green Tea Frappe. But now I don't do Starbucks for some reason.
22) What's your biggest secret?
If I say it here, it's not a secret anymore now is it?
23) Favorite color?
Purple
24) Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
Both haha. I am twennyy but that ain't stopping meh from them kiddie showss nope .
25) What's on your walls?
Umm, nothing?
26) What are you?
I am the Princess of Mars, jk. I am Jann. I am one heck of an emotional damsel who knows that she couldn't be perfect but hoping the people around her would stay.
27) Do you speak any other language?
uhh not really. Malay and english only. a bit of bad japanese tho :D
28) What's your favorite smell?
Vanilla :)
29) Describe your life in one word ?
Unpredictable
30) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Now who would do that actually. haha.
31) What are you thinking about right now?
"Why are we like this?"
33) What should you be doing?
Playing Outlast game HAHA.
34) Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
....can't remember.
35) Do you ever trapped in a love triangle?
I'm not that sure :|
36) Your talent that you're really want to show off?
Err idk. I'm quite okay with my drawings but still need a loooot of improvement to really show off you knoww
37) If you had a chance to erase some of your memories, what are you really want to forget?
Nothing. My past is what guides me to what I am now. :)
38) Do you act differently around the person you like?
Yeah kinda. I tend to be more feminine hahaha. oops.
39) What is your natural hair color?
Silky Black :P okay jk just plain black.
40) Who was the last person to make you cry ?
That guy. but it's not his fault. it's just something that I thought about him that made me cry.
1) Have you ever been asked out?
Yes, I guess.
2) Where was your default picture taken?
In my room, on my bed
3) What's your middle name?
*counts name and finds the midpoint* Binti! :D
4) Your current relationship status?
Single. Looking for a future zauj, not temporary partner.
5) What is your current mood?
Intermediate happy.
6) What color shirt are you wearing ?
Purple
7) Missing something ?
Yes
8) If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Well, this is IF, which is impossible. IF, maybe I would change how I behave. Attitude, to be precise
9) If you must be an animal for one day, what?
Animal? Hmm. I wanna be a dwagooownn :3 k jk. it doesn't even exist. Never thought of it actually. A kitty maybe?
10) Ever had a near death experience ?
So far no. Nauzubillah ='(
11) Something you do a lot?
Babbling at Twitter. Tweeting nonsense that I believe many are pissed off with it.
12) The song stuck in your head ?
Heart Attack by Demi Lovato atm.
13) Who did you copy and paste this from?
Kak Farhawa hehe~
14) Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Nur Fatin Qistinaaa ! :D My twin that I met in Perfect World!
15) When was the last time you cried?
Last two nights. When I was about to sleep.
16) Have you ever sung in front of a large audience? .
Does choir included? :D
17) If you could have one super power what would it be?
To change people's sadness into happiness. To change grief into joy, To turn sorrow into jolly.
18) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
His smile.
19) Who was the last person that made you happy?
My family. They always do.
21) What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Usually Green Tea Frappe. But now I don't do Starbucks for some reason.
22) What's your biggest secret?
If I say it here, it's not a secret anymore now is it?
23) Favorite color?
Purple
24) Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
Both haha. I am twennyy but that ain't stopping meh from them kiddie showss nope .
25) What's on your walls?
Umm, nothing?
26) What are you?
I am the Princess of Mars, jk. I am Jann. I am one heck of an emotional damsel who knows that she couldn't be perfect but hoping the people around her would stay.
27) Do you speak any other language?
uhh not really. Malay and english only. a bit of bad japanese tho :D
28) What's your favorite smell?
Vanilla :)
29) Describe your life in one word ?
Unpredictable
30) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Now who would do that actually. haha.
31) What are you thinking about right now?
"Why are we like this?"
33) What should you be doing?
Playing Outlast game HAHA.
34) Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
....can't remember.
35) Do you ever trapped in a love triangle?
I'm not that sure :|
36) Your talent that you're really want to show off?
Err idk. I'm quite okay with my drawings but still need a loooot of improvement to really show off you knoww
37) If you had a chance to erase some of your memories, what are you really want to forget?
Nothing. My past is what guides me to what I am now. :)
38) Do you act differently around the person you like?
Yeah kinda. I tend to be more feminine hahaha. oops.
39) What is your natural hair color?
Silky Black :P okay jk just plain black.
40) Who was the last person to make you cry ?
That guy. but it's not his fault. it's just something that I thought about him that made me cry.
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
I just want to express this sadness in writing, don't mind me.
Well, lately it's been not so good. For the past few days actually. Reasons? Hmm, bagi orang lain remeh temeh la kot.
Hati rasa cam tak tenang ditambah dengan stress 1st week GIT yang sangat2 ikan sardin packednya. Plus the feeling of doubt. Furious sket. Risau. All in one go baby, all in one go. I don't know how to survive all these with a smile.
Dengan Abang operate mata due to retinal detachment dy, but Alhamdulillah, Allah ease everything :) hilang jugak la satu kerisauan.
Dengan nak mengelak dari terserempak dengan sorang ni, tapi just hoping die sehat walafiat. Reason mengelak? hmm, xtau kenapa. Rasa nak lari haha. Rase bersalah ada, rasa sedih ada. Jangan pikir bukan bukan, aku xde boypreng. Boypreng aku tuu yg kene operate tu =.=
Then tadi, dok scroll whatsapp, nampak gambar Acik A and Uncle J. Sedih memang sedih. Marah memang marah. Tapi tengok gambar depa kat whatsapp tu, rasa nak menangis je. I want my family back. I want those good memories to be revived. Rindu masa dulu2 , time raya, siap xnk dok kete sendiri, nak pegi beraya dengan dyorg since destination sama. Rindu nak gelak gelak dengan sume aunty dgn uncle.
Dah jadi waterfall da ni...
I want my family back.
I want the real smiles and laughter back.
I want to celebrate Eid with joy like the old days.
I want to have family gathering like we used to.
It seems so hard dengan keadaan camni nak ubah balik to what we used to.
Apart from marah, lagi sedih sebenarnya sebab tak dapat jadi cam dulu.
Seeing others celebrate macam2 dgn big family dyorg always made me shed my tears.
Tapi, I know, what they did was wrong.
And what we're going through ada hikmah dari-Nya.
But I just can't seem to be calm with it.
When I'm stressed about something, all of it seemed to come the whole package.
And end up, I'm crying again. No differ from a real crybaby. Cause I really am one.
Sunday, 6 October 2013
Saturday, 5 October 2013
Things that I can't seem to express orally
"About months ago you were just a random guy.
I realized your existence but you never caught my attention.
You have the looks, but I wasn't looking.
When your picture was taken along with your friends, I'd recognize your friends first.
I think I had talked to you before, but it was merely something to talk about.
Couples of hi's and bye's, smiles meeting smiles.
Barely had any real conversations.
I never knew when I started to fall.
It developed as I grew to know you more.
I heard about you once and that ticks my heart.
Then suddenly as if fate planned a chance for us to talk.
We talked and talked without facing each other,
and when it comes to meeting, it was kinda awkward.
I still can't figure out why I'd fallen.
Now, it worsens.
The feelings I had started to grow more.
Whenever I see your picture, I went tachycardiac.
Whenever I heard your name, I tend to be extra alert.
Whenever I heard that tone coming, I was utterly overexcited and would smile alone.
Some might know the reason why, some may not.
Sometimes these tears starts to fall when it's been so long I haven't heard from you.
Long, in my own definition.
I thought I'd get this over with already since that one incident.
Now I seemed to be falling again.
Mysterious person, I seem to fall under your spell.
You might be the reason I'm happy or melancholy.
Who are you now and who are you in the future,
that is the question I'm seeking the answer to.
Hoping you are the one destined for me.
I kept praying that if this doesn't stop, you would be the one.
As I vowed not to let myself hurt anymore.
For now, all I can do is to pray.
Pray for your and my success in achieving what we wanted.
We're both are in the same line but sometimes I feel that we're different.
In the end, I'd pray to Him
Let it flow due time.
And see what happens.
But in the meantime, I can't avoid from this feeling.
So much I tried to ignore, it kept coming back.
All I can do in the end is wait and pray.
For He knows what we do not know of.
and He is the best planner of all plans planned.
Subhanallah."
Saturday,
October 5th, 2013
03:46 am
I realized your existence but you never caught my attention.
You have the looks, but I wasn't looking.
When your picture was taken along with your friends, I'd recognize your friends first.
I think I had talked to you before, but it was merely something to talk about.
Couples of hi's and bye's, smiles meeting smiles.
Barely had any real conversations.
I never knew when I started to fall.
It developed as I grew to know you more.
I heard about you once and that ticks my heart.
Then suddenly as if fate planned a chance for us to talk.
We talked and talked without facing each other,
and when it comes to meeting, it was kinda awkward.
I still can't figure out why I'd fallen.
Now, it worsens.
The feelings I had started to grow more.
Whenever I see your picture, I went tachycardiac.
Whenever I heard your name, I tend to be extra alert.
Whenever I heard that tone coming, I was utterly overexcited and would smile alone.
Some might know the reason why, some may not.
Sometimes these tears starts to fall when it's been so long I haven't heard from you.
Long, in my own definition.
I thought I'd get this over with already since that one incident.
Now I seemed to be falling again.
Mysterious person, I seem to fall under your spell.
You might be the reason I'm happy or melancholy.
Who are you now and who are you in the future,
that is the question I'm seeking the answer to.
Hoping you are the one destined for me.
I kept praying that if this doesn't stop, you would be the one.
As I vowed not to let myself hurt anymore.
For now, all I can do is to pray.
Pray for your and my success in achieving what we wanted.
We're both are in the same line but sometimes I feel that we're different.
In the end, I'd pray to Him
Let it flow due time.
And see what happens.
But in the meantime, I can't avoid from this feeling.
So much I tried to ignore, it kept coming back.
All I can do in the end is wait and pray.
For He knows what we do not know of.
and He is the best planner of all plans planned.
Subhanallah."
Saturday,
October 5th, 2013
03:46 am
Thursday, 12 September 2013
Emotional Expression of the Day-----OSCE-related
"Writing down your emotions has many health benefits."
Well I wasn't sure whether this is evidence-based or was proven via statistics or logistics but oh well. That actually made me feel like blogging in the middle of the early morning.
As-Salamualykum peeps of the woooooooorld.
Okay so sebeno beno benonye lah kan, Jann ade Respiratory End-of-Block Exam this Friday. hihi. tapi aku dok blogging plak time time camni. nampak tak aku nak ngelat study?
well not really ngelat. taking a break, without kit kat lah tapinye hehe.
Alright now where were we?
Ah, writing down emotions.
Okay sebeno beno benonye jugalah kan tadi Jann ade exam OSCE. sapa taktau, go and seek Mr.Google. konpem terus pahe. okay so that was my first OSCE la actually. kene test Respiratory and Cardiovascular System. honestly I wasn't that panic *ecewah kerek* well, ade la gelabah kambing sket tapi liekkk you knowwww takde la beriya macam "uwarrgghhh OSCEEEE aku nak matiiii cuaaaaak nak meletooooop perooooot" liddat. tu overly emosi sangat tu. just that cam takut la sket sket.
Orang kata, panic do you no good. So I kept calm laa, kot.
TAPI CALM SANGAT PON TAK BOLEHHHHH
kenapa?
Okay here the story begins.
Aku masuk Station 1, otak aku yang kononnye calm, tetibe blank. masuk je pintu, tgk examiner, tengok simulated patient (SP) yang aku dop kenai, terus aku blank. tapi obviously not because SP tu hotsetap ke, examiner tu mcm gimau ke ape. I don't know. My mind went blank. Absolutely, defo-ly NOT GOOD. After buat examination pe sume, then, examiner tanya soalan and I can't think well. I DON'T KNOW WHYYY. Last last, tense, awkward moment in the room, zzz and puff I can't answer sampai siren annoying tu bunyik. My 1st station tu mcm "OMG SORE LOSER LAH AKUU NIII"
but Alhamdulillah, my second station I was waaaay calmer (kejap kejap tengok instruction btw, hihi) walaupun ade part aku terlupa nak buat. not really lupe. tapi I didn't know kene buat tuu. Well tadi aku nak buat general inspection, depa kata "Read the instructions" so okay fine, aku ikot je laaa arahan tu. Then second station kata "Check the patient's radial pulse" otak aku punya laa straight forward sangat, aku dok kira rate ja =.= segala rhythm, volume, collapsing pulse even, haram sume aku tak buat. padahal beriya dok practice kat orang sampai naik muntah da practice. I know all those things but I didn't know I had to do thaaat.
HAHA. Well, at least I managed to ignore the flaws of the 1st station and did better in the second one. Bak kata Dr.Hazian, "Forget your first love. In OSCE, forget about what you did wrong in the previous station and proceed onto the next one" haha btw, I love how she talks and she talk good stuffs too tau :D
So my conclusion is :
"There's always a first time in everything and don't expect to be perfect in the 1st time of anything"
I have no regrets, okay tipu, ade la actually. But I'd prefer that to be a lesson to be better and improve for the next time. Well for now, just hoping I would pass and that I excel for the final written exam this Friday, insyaALLAH.
Fuhh. There goes my expression for the day xD
Oh btw, td balek OSCE truih beli Takoyaki 10 bijik kat sebelah bus stand StreetMall. kahkah. stress punya pasal :3 AND it was SUPERRR oishiii~ ♥ pas makan takoyaki, terlelap. hahaha. dasyhat sungguh efek OSCE ni.
Okay cukup la for today. Kene sambung study balek or I'll be dead meat.
Adieu~
Well I wasn't sure whether this is evidence-based or was proven via statistics or logistics but oh well. That actually made me feel like blogging in the middle of the early morning.
As-Salamualykum peeps of the woooooooorld.
Okay so sebeno beno benonye lah kan, Jann ade Respiratory End-of-Block Exam this Friday. hihi. tapi aku dok blogging plak time time camni. nampak tak aku nak ngelat study?
well not really ngelat. taking a break, without kit kat lah tapinye hehe.
Alright now where were we?
Ah, writing down emotions.
Okay sebeno beno benonye jugalah kan tadi Jann ade exam OSCE. sapa taktau, go and seek Mr.Google. konpem terus pahe. okay so that was my first OSCE la actually. kene test Respiratory and Cardiovascular System. honestly I wasn't that panic *ecewah kerek* well, ade la gelabah kambing sket tapi liekkk you knowwww takde la beriya macam "uwarrgghhh OSCEEEE aku nak matiiii cuaaaaak nak meletooooop perooooot" liddat. tu overly emosi sangat tu. just that cam takut la sket sket.
Orang kata, panic do you no good. So I kept calm laa, kot.
TAPI CALM SANGAT PON TAK BOLEHHHHH
kenapa?
Okay here the story begins.
Aku masuk Station 1, otak aku yang kononnye calm, tetibe blank. masuk je pintu, tgk examiner, tengok simulated patient (SP) yang aku dop kenai, terus aku blank. tapi obviously not because SP tu hotsetap ke, examiner tu mcm gimau ke ape. I don't know. My mind went blank. Absolutely, defo-ly NOT GOOD. After buat examination pe sume, then, examiner tanya soalan and I can't think well. I DON'T KNOW WHYYY. Last last, tense, awkward moment in the room, zzz and puff I can't answer sampai siren annoying tu bunyik. My 1st station tu mcm "OMG SORE LOSER LAH AKUU NIII"
but Alhamdulillah, my second station I was waaaay calmer (kejap kejap tengok instruction btw, hihi) walaupun ade part aku terlupa nak buat. not really lupe. tapi I didn't know kene buat tuu. Well tadi aku nak buat general inspection, depa kata "Read the instructions" so okay fine, aku ikot je laaa arahan tu. Then second station kata "Check the patient's radial pulse" otak aku punya laa straight forward sangat, aku dok kira rate ja =.= segala rhythm, volume, collapsing pulse even, haram sume aku tak buat. padahal beriya dok practice kat orang sampai naik muntah da practice. I know all those things but I didn't know I had to do thaaat.
HAHA. Well, at least I managed to ignore the flaws of the 1st station and did better in the second one. Bak kata Dr.Hazian, "Forget your first love. In OSCE, forget about what you did wrong in the previous station and proceed onto the next one" haha btw, I love how she talks and she talk good stuffs too tau :D
So my conclusion is :
"There's always a first time in everything and don't expect to be perfect in the 1st time of anything"
I have no regrets, okay tipu, ade la actually. But I'd prefer that to be a lesson to be better and improve for the next time. Well for now, just hoping I would pass and that I excel for the final written exam this Friday, insyaALLAH.
Fuhh. There goes my expression for the day xD
Oh btw, td balek OSCE truih beli Takoyaki 10 bijik kat sebelah bus stand StreetMall. kahkah. stress punya pasal :3 AND it was SUPERRR oishiii~ ♥ pas makan takoyaki, terlelap. hahaha. dasyhat sungguh efek OSCE ni.
Okay cukup la for today. Kene sambung study balek or I'll be dead meat.
Adieu~
Monday, 19 August 2013
Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku tidak dapat lari daripada merasai ketakutan ini
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
As-Salamualykummm. apa khabarmu di sana? Lama sudah tak berjumpaa *nyanyi*
eh kemain lagi makcik ni menyanyi, padahal tengok title macam gelabah ayam takut ape.
Okay yeah so basically, ni bukan lah ade kaitan dengan hantu ataupun patung Annabelle.
tapi ni kire takut sebab Jann nak masuk 2nd Year.
Alhamdulillah, syukur sebab pass 1st Year. but you knowww, kechuutt perutt wehh.
Serious lah. Ini punye takut bukan la ngengade punye. =.= jangan salah paham.
Bila fikir2 balek, masuk seken yer ni, dengan Professional Exam nyer, dengan macam macam nye lah hai.
Tak tau kenapa tapi seriouslah takut yang amat. Terfikir gak la kan, wuuu will I be okayy? What happen kalau aku xleh nak adapt? xleh nak habis study?
(Ohooyy makcik punye pessimist sebenonye boleh tahan mintak pelempang kadang2)
*dabel headbang on the wall* okay penipu, ta buat pon. gimik je.
Aaaaaapa apa pon, I had a wonderful holiday I guess. Alhamdulillah well spent. Kalau pasal gumbira tu hihihi *ketawe gedik* tokleh nak kabo la. Bak kata ade satu phrase yang Jann jumpe kat twitter, sbb cam kene je tu yang retweet
"Some of the best moments are the one you can't tell anyone about.."
Mintak maaf mintak ampun zahir dan batin. hihi.
Well basically that's it. Nak tak nak, I've already stepped into the 2nd Year. As much as I hate to admit, it's a fact that I can't just run away from, no? So, I wish and pray the best to my batchmates and may we succeed together in achieving the best, not only for the Pro Exam, but to be the best doctors of the world. Amin.
Not to forget, to the dearly beloved friends, ade yang 3rd Year MBBS, 4th Year Pharmacy, 1st Year MBBS, Foundation etc. All the best to allllll of us. Semoga Allah permudahkan perjalanan kita menuju ke kejayaan yang diimpikan, insyaALLAH
Ganbatte, minna ! oh and ganbarimasssu xD
As-Salamualykummm. apa khabarmu di sana? Lama sudah tak berjumpaa *nyanyi*
eh kemain lagi makcik ni menyanyi, padahal tengok title macam gelabah ayam takut ape.
Okay yeah so basically, ni bukan lah ade kaitan dengan hantu ataupun patung Annabelle.
tapi ni kire takut sebab Jann nak masuk 2nd Year.
Alhamdulillah, syukur sebab pass 1st Year. but you knowww, kechuutt perutt wehh.
Serious lah. Ini punye takut bukan la ngengade punye. =.= jangan salah paham.
Bila fikir2 balek, masuk seken yer ni, dengan Professional Exam nyer, dengan macam macam nye lah hai.
Tak tau kenapa tapi seriouslah takut yang amat. Terfikir gak la kan, wuuu will I be okayy? What happen kalau aku xleh nak adapt? xleh nak habis study?
(Ohooyy makcik punye pessimist sebenonye boleh tahan mintak pelempang kadang2)
*dabel headbang on the wall* okay penipu, ta buat pon. gimik je.
Aaaaaapa apa pon, I had a wonderful holiday I guess. Alhamdulillah well spent. Kalau pasal gumbira tu hihihi *ketawe gedik* tokleh nak kabo la. Bak kata ade satu phrase yang Jann jumpe kat twitter, sbb cam kene je tu yang retweet
"Some of the best moments are the one you can't tell anyone about.."
Mintak maaf mintak ampun zahir dan batin. hihi.
Well basically that's it. Nak tak nak, I've already stepped into the 2nd Year. As much as I hate to admit, it's a fact that I can't just run away from, no? So, I wish and pray the best to my batchmates and may we succeed together in achieving the best, not only for the Pro Exam, but to be the best doctors of the world. Amin.
Not to forget, to the dearly beloved friends, ade yang 3rd Year MBBS, 4th Year Pharmacy, 1st Year MBBS, Foundation etc. All the best to allllll of us. Semoga Allah permudahkan perjalanan kita menuju ke kejayaan yang diimpikan, insyaALLAH
Ganbatte, minna ! oh and ganbarimasssu xD
Sunday, 4 August 2013
Tanjoubi Omedetou. . .?
I think I've found someone to say those phrases to.
"Umareta koto wo~
Deaeta koto wo~
Ima soba ni ireru koto, arigatou~
Kimi no HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Ichi nen ni ichido no mahou tokubetsu na hi~"
"Umareta koto wo~
Deaeta koto wo~
Ima soba ni ireru koto, arigatou~
Kimi no HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Ichi nen ni ichido no mahou tokubetsu na hi~"
Woohoo~
Tanjoubi Omedetou ! :D
May Allah bless thee and thy family here and hereafter.
And all the best in your future undertakings.
*throws confetti*
Sunday, 28 July 2013
The last 10 days of Ramadhan
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
As-Salamualykum and hellow melloww peeps.
Wow, pejam celik pejam celik, I took a peek at the Hijriah calendar, it's already the 20th Ramadhan.
Subhanallah, how time flies.
Rasa macam baru seminggu puasa pon ada @.@
Well anywaaays, 10 hari terakhir ni laaa adalah yang paling penting buat umat Islam dalam bulan yang mulia ini. You oughta know why la kan. It's said in the Al-Quran itself, satu malam yang 1000 kali lebih baik daripada malam malam yang lain. Subhanallah.
So, why not take this opportunity to hunt for this night and berdoa banyak2, moge2 Allah makbulkan segala yang terbuku dalam nurani? InsyaALLAH, bi iznillah.
Tapi kan, dalam pada last last ni jugak laa dengau kabaunye orang ramai tak pegi solat tarawikh di masjid masjid.
Tapi kan juga, don't jump into conclusion.
Mungkin mereka sebenarnya melakukan ibadah sunat di rumah, mungkin lagi banyak? Possible juga mereka melakukan ibadah secara berterusan dirumah sampai la ke tengah-tengah malam.
Wallahu'alam. Usah bersangka buruk. Kadang-kadang kita nampak orang tu tak melakukan apa yg kebiasaan kita buat mungkin sebab dia buat sesuatu yang lebih luar kebiasaan tanpa kita ketahui and mungkin orang itu lebih mulia darjatnya disisi Allah. Sapaaa yang rugi?
haha. reflect reflect. *tersepak diri sendiri jugak sebenaunye*
Apa apa pun, marilah kite sama2 mengejar peluang untuk mencari malam Lailatul Qadr ni togede gede~
InsyaALLAH.
Salam Ramadhan buat kalian yang membaca~
As-Salamualykum and hellow melloww peeps.
Wow, pejam celik pejam celik, I took a peek at the Hijriah calendar, it's already the 20th Ramadhan.
Subhanallah, how time flies.
Rasa macam baru seminggu puasa pon ada @.@
Well anywaaays, 10 hari terakhir ni laaa adalah yang paling penting buat umat Islam dalam bulan yang mulia ini. You oughta know why la kan. It's said in the Al-Quran itself, satu malam yang 1000 kali lebih baik daripada malam malam yang lain. Subhanallah.
So, why not take this opportunity to hunt for this night and berdoa banyak2, moge2 Allah makbulkan segala yang terbuku dalam nurani? InsyaALLAH, bi iznillah.
Tapi kan, dalam pada last last ni jugak laa dengau kabaunye orang ramai tak pegi solat tarawikh di masjid masjid.
Tapi kan juga, don't jump into conclusion.
Mungkin mereka sebenarnya melakukan ibadah sunat di rumah, mungkin lagi banyak? Possible juga mereka melakukan ibadah secara berterusan dirumah sampai la ke tengah-tengah malam.
Wallahu'alam. Usah bersangka buruk. Kadang-kadang kita nampak orang tu tak melakukan apa yg kebiasaan kita buat mungkin sebab dia buat sesuatu yang lebih luar kebiasaan tanpa kita ketahui and mungkin orang itu lebih mulia darjatnya disisi Allah. Sapaaa yang rugi?
haha. reflect reflect. *tersepak diri sendiri jugak sebenaunye*
Apa apa pun, marilah kite sama2 mengejar peluang untuk mencari malam Lailatul Qadr ni togede gede~
InsyaALLAH.
Salam Ramadhan buat kalian yang membaca~
Surah Al-Qadr - سورة القدر
Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Sesungguhnya Kami telah menurunkan (Al-Quran) ini pada Malam Lailatul-Qadar,
We have indeed revealed this (Message) in the Night of Power:
Dan apa jalannya engkau dapat mengetahui apa dia kebesaran Malam Lailatul-Qadar itu?
And what will explain to thee what the night of power is?
Malam Lailatul-Qadar lebih baik daripada seribu bulan.
The Night of Power is better than a thousand months.
Pada Malam itu, turun malaikat dan Jibril dengan izin Tuhan mereka, kerana membawa segala perkara (yang ditakdirkan berlakunya pada tahun yang berikut);
Therein come down the angels and the Spirit by Allah.s permission, on every errand:
Sejahteralah Malam (yang berkat) itu hingga terbit fajar!
Peace!...This until the rise of morn!
COPIED FROM : http://www.surah.my/97
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Some random schnitzels
"Umareta koto wo~
Deaeta koto wo~
Ima soba ni ireru koto, arigatou~
Kimi no HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Ichi nen ni ichido no mahou tokubetsu na hi~"
I just love this part of the Happy Birthday song by NEWS.
Tak paham? oh. silalah paham. This is the translation :
"For being born~
For being able to meet you~
That I can be by your side now, Thank you~
It's your HAPPY BIRTHDAY
A magical, special day that happens only once a year~"
:D best en en?
I have a wish that I could give this to someone's special's birthday,
to show the appreciation for being born. for being here.
well, you know you got this feeling whether you should give to certain people, macam tu. well I haven't found someone to give this, yet :|
so, yeah I'm waiting.
but then, to all my friends,
Umarete kite, arigatou~ *bows and smiles*
Thank you for being born.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for being a part of this crazy chaotic friend of yours.
EVERYBODY DANCE NOWW!
eh.
Deaeta koto wo~
Ima soba ni ireru koto, arigatou~
Kimi no HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Ichi nen ni ichido no mahou tokubetsu na hi~"
I just love this part of the Happy Birthday song by NEWS.
Tak paham? oh. silalah paham. This is the translation :
"For being born~
For being able to meet you~
That I can be by your side now, Thank you~
It's your HAPPY BIRTHDAY
A magical, special day that happens only once a year~"
:D best en en?
I have a wish that I could give this to someone's special's birthday,
to show the appreciation for being born. for being here.
well, you know you got this feeling whether you should give to certain people, macam tu. well I haven't found someone to give this, yet :|
so, yeah I'm waiting.
but then, to all my friends,
Umarete kite, arigatou~ *bows and smiles*
Thank you for being born.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for being a part of this crazy chaotic friend of yours.
EVERYBODY DANCE NOWW!
eh.
Monday, 22 July 2013
Motives unknown
"People like us we've gotta stick together
Keep your head up, nothing lasts forever
Here's to the damned, to the lost and forgotten
It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom"
#np Kelly Clarkson - People Like Us
A sad song it seems but somehow, I like it.
Bagi semangat bagi yang terasa diri itu misfits of the world.
(Y) keep your heads up people! :D
-------------------
As-Salamualykum~
Hellow mellow peeps of the universe.
It's the 14th of Ramadhan already. dah 13 hari kite puase, Alhamdulillah. masih lagi diberi peluang untuk berpuasa and menikmati Ramadhan yang mulia nehh.
Tadah tangan.
Ucap syukur, Alhamdulillah.
Sekalipun hanya bende remeh di pandangan orang, namun itulah yang Allah inginkan.
Menginginkan hamba-hambaNYA menadah tangan bersyukur kepadaNYA,
dan semoga itu menjadi penyebab rezeki kita bertambah, insyaALLAH.
Soooo, basically, today's post not much of a motive.
How's life been? I must say, so far, nothing breaks me down I guess. Been wonderful.
So today no emotional posts.
hewhewhew~ *gelak sopan santun*
Tujuan post is sebab bosan melanda lah kot. haha. Not feeling like drawing anything nor watching anything. tu yang dok meloratkan diri nak post kat sini, hoping yang membaca ni turut merasa kebosanan yang dialami. ewah. haha. (x tau nak cakap kesian ke kurang ajau kat makcik nih)
Apa apa pon, Jann wish All the best to you people out there in facing whatever that may come as you live your life to the fullest.
(tetibe nak wish wish ni pon xtau pasai pa. nampak tak takde keje)
Okaaay, makcik xmau bebel banyak, dah nampak orang menguap mcm hippopopopotamus.
Adieu~
Keep your head up, nothing lasts forever
Here's to the damned, to the lost and forgotten
It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom"
#np Kelly Clarkson - People Like Us
A sad song it seems but somehow, I like it.
Bagi semangat bagi yang terasa diri itu misfits of the world.
(Y) keep your heads up people! :D
-------------------
As-Salamualykum~
Hellow mellow peeps of the universe.
It's the 14th of Ramadhan already. dah 13 hari kite puase, Alhamdulillah. masih lagi diberi peluang untuk berpuasa and menikmati Ramadhan yang mulia nehh.
Tadah tangan.
Ucap syukur, Alhamdulillah.
Sekalipun hanya bende remeh di pandangan orang, namun itulah yang Allah inginkan.
Menginginkan hamba-hambaNYA menadah tangan bersyukur kepadaNYA,
dan semoga itu menjadi penyebab rezeki kita bertambah, insyaALLAH.
Soooo, basically, today's post not much of a motive.
How's life been? I must say, so far, nothing breaks me down I guess. Been wonderful.
So today no emotional posts.
hewhewhew~ *gelak sopan santun*
Tujuan post is sebab bosan melanda lah kot. haha. Not feeling like drawing anything nor watching anything. tu yang dok meloratkan diri nak post kat sini, hoping yang membaca ni turut merasa kebosanan yang dialami. ewah. haha. (x tau nak cakap kesian ke kurang ajau kat makcik nih)
Apa apa pon, Jann wish All the best to you people out there in facing whatever that may come as you live your life to the fullest.
(tetibe nak wish wish ni pon xtau pasai pa. nampak tak takde keje)
Okaaay, makcik xmau bebel banyak, dah nampak orang menguap mcm hippopopopotamus.
Adieu~
Sunday, 21 July 2013
Ramadhan Kareem~
Whenever you feel lost,
not knowing what to do,
or losing your vision of life,
remember that ;
It's all back to the Almighty Allah.
Whenever you feel scared,
that you might be astray,
or trapped in sorrow,
remember that ;
It's all back to the Almighty Allah.
------------
Salam Ramadhan Kareem to all Muslims out there.
May this Ramadhan is far more meaningful with extra devotions to the Almighty Allah.
Wajib or Sunat, put extra effort in doing them.
InsyaALLAH. May Allah bless us in this holy month of Ramadhan.
Happy Fasting !
not knowing what to do,
or losing your vision of life,
remember that ;
It's all back to the Almighty Allah.
Whenever you feel scared,
that you might be astray,
or trapped in sorrow,
remember that ;
It's all back to the Almighty Allah.
------------
Salam Ramadhan Kareem to all Muslims out there.
May this Ramadhan is far more meaningful with extra devotions to the Almighty Allah.
Wajib or Sunat, put extra effort in doing them.
InsyaALLAH. May Allah bless us in this holy month of Ramadhan.
Happy Fasting !
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