I just want to express this sadness in writing, don't mind me.

Well, lately it's been not so good. For the past few days actually. Reasons? Hmm, bagi orang lain remeh temeh la kot.

Hati rasa cam tak tenang ditambah dengan stress 1st week GIT yang sangat2 ikan sardin packednya. Plus the feeling of doubt. Furious sket. Risau. All in one go baby, all in one go. I don't know how to survive all these with a smile.

Dengan Abang operate mata due to retinal detachment dy, but Alhamdulillah, Allah ease everything :) hilang jugak la satu kerisauan.

Dengan nak mengelak dari terserempak dengan sorang ni, tapi just hoping die sehat walafiat. Reason mengelak? hmm, xtau kenapa. Rasa nak lari haha. Rase bersalah ada, rasa sedih ada. Jangan pikir bukan bukan, aku xde boypreng. Boypreng aku tuu yg kene operate tu =.=

Then tadi, dok scroll whatsapp, nampak gambar Acik A and Uncle J. Sedih memang sedih. Marah memang marah. Tapi tengok gambar depa kat whatsapp tu, rasa nak menangis je. I want my family back. I want those good memories to be revived. Rindu masa dulu2 , time raya, siap xnk dok kete sendiri, nak pegi beraya dengan dyorg since destination sama. Rindu nak gelak gelak dengan sume aunty dgn uncle.

Dah jadi waterfall da ni...

I want my family back.

I want the real smiles and laughter back.

I want to celebrate Eid with joy like the old days.

I want to have family gathering like we used to.

It seems so hard dengan keadaan camni nak ubah balik to what we used to.

Apart from marah, lagi sedih sebenarnya sebab tak dapat jadi cam dulu.

Seeing others celebrate macam2 dgn big family dyorg always made me shed my tears.

Tapi, I know, what they did was wrong.

And what we're going through ada hikmah dari-Nya.

But I just can't seem to be calm with it.

When I'm stressed about something, all of it seemed to come the whole package.

And end up, I'm crying again. No differ from a real crybaby. Cause I really am one.